Stale Love.

Our 3-year old relationship is going to be qualified in winning the award for the most monotonous relationship of the decade. I've been told that after a considerable period of time, all relations become such - annoying bonds of worry and terror,  the terror of love. It loses its color and becomes tiresome and dull, as dull as the dishwater.I have been trying to evade and eliminate this feeling of misery and analytical reasoning behind every move my so called lover makes. All attempts to suppress this ugly emotion back to where it came from have been in vain. 

Not that we've not tried, of course we have. Everything starting from walks on the beach to candle-lit dinners to late night movies to expensive shopping have awfully failed to bring back the cheer and the "connection" we lost a year from today.

After every attempt to making my deformed association of love work, I see my self walking back to where is started from, and in most cases, with a heart heavier than the previous instance. So what should I do to deal with this moment ? Bottle it up inside or search for an outlet ?

I need an outlet. I can't deal with it any more. When you've been so close to someone, shared your best moments with that person at some point of time, you cannot really lie of the emotional distance you feel after it all. I wonder what happened. Egos happened, insecurity happened, possessiveness happened, careers, well I hope they eventually do happen.

I talk to him and eat with him on most days, but there is a disconnection. The feeling of being physically present but mentally in a different time and space. The feeling is terribly disturbing, but since it does no good to my over-loaded schedule, I go back to being indifferent.

But not anymore, a wise man once said that its never too late to do the right thing. So yes, I am going to make the phone call I should have made much earlier, I am going to talk the things I should have spoken about earlier.  I hope the line is not busy with any unimportant engagements cause THIS IS IMPORTANT. Okay its ringing, let me get back to you on this.

Or maybe not. ;)